This one time, at bandcamp*, I dated a guy with only one arm. Shaddap! I'm serious, he lost it in a work accident when he was 19, bet you feel bad for laughing now! :P
So, as you can imagine, sex was sometimes a bit of a challenge with balance being the main issue. He fell over and fell off me many a time. Stop laughing! You tie one hand behind your back and try a few moves from the Kama Sutra, I dare ya! It's tricky.

Anyhoo, his lack of balance wasn't the worst of it. He smoked a lot of pot (yeah he was a real winner) so sometimes it would take a week and a half for him to cum, well not really, maybe half an hour or so, but it felt like forever.
Now, I know a long distance shagger is better than a sprint shagger who blows his cocknog before you're even out of the starting gate, BUT, when a guy pumps away for AGES it can feel like someone rubbing sandpaper against your flange and too much lube can start a twat fire you know.

Where was I?
Well, his pumpathon was a regular occurrence, so once I'd orgasmed and had done everything I could to make him climax before my next birthday, I'd let my mind wander. I'd do a mental grocery list, I'd plan TV shows I'd watch that night, I'd do complicated algorithms in my head to keep me stimulated (that last one is a lie, I can't even count to double digits).
So this one day he's going hammertime on my person and I recalled a funny story that a guy at work told me.

Cue awkward moment #1- I laughed. Not just a giggle or a quiet chuckle, but a full on belly laugh. Needless to say the boy wasn't impressed and stopped mid hump to give me a scathing look. I have to give him credit though, he was determined to blow and managed to get in the zone again, no dramas. I knew I'd hear about it later though.

I also returned to my own thoughts and the funny story, but became rather agitated. You see I couldn't remember the name of the guy who told the story. Shit like that can bug me for days and seeing as how I'm like an Alzheimer sufferer when it comes to remembering names, it was pissing me off no end.
I knew it started with an R, so I started going through mental lists of guys names beginning with that letter.
Was it Rick? Richard? Randy? Ralph???? Nope, none of those rung a bell. Robert? Romy? Nup, none of those. God, it was so frustrating. Rudolph? Noooooo!

Cue awkward moment #2-
I finally remembered and I yelled it out.

"RAYMOND! OH Yes! that's it! Raymond"




You could hear the dust balls rolling under the bed.




Oh noes!

I had just committed the cardinal sin of shagging. Calling out another mans name during sexy time.
People, there is no going back from that. No way to recover, no explanation satisfactory.
That was my last shag with the one armed, stoner. Not that I really cared, I was sick of his half arsed cuddles and having to pack his bong for him. Haaaaaaaaaahahaha!!

Spill your own awkward moments during sex. I know you got some :P

*I didn't REALLY go to bandcamp, for twats like Fingers who thought so. It's a line from the movie "American Pie". Sheesh!