The following story was told to me by a member of the Supertard Crew, who does in fact have a fairly popular blog of her own (no, not Kylie the twat, nobody reads her) in fact, some of my regular readers also leave comments over there, and they don't even know her super alter ego! For shame! Why she would be ashamed to be associated with me is very heartbreaking *sob* but understandable really. I don't want to be associated with me either some days, but that's a whole other story.

Anyway, she told me this true story just the other day, and when I asked if she was going to blog it, she was horrified! So, I stole it as blog fodder, with her permission, as long as I didn't name names.

"Secret tard" does a shit load of travelling for work, she's forever jet setting off all over the place, so her ever thoughtful boyfriend bought her some Vibrating panties!

Ohhh bless his heart. That's true love right there! My boy got me a candy g-banger but I think that's more for his enjoyment than mine. Ever had pure sugar melt up your clacker? You haven't lived I tells ya.

But I digress.

This particular brand of vibrating knicker comes with a wireless remote control for all those lonely nights in shitful hotel rooms when you just have to be hands free. Like when....um....ordering porn on cable....or reading the complimentary bible or somethin'.

Dumbarse "secret tard" decided it would be a good idea if she wore it for her long haul flight to the UK. What a way to while away the hours! She imagined herself, Martini in one hand, remote control in the other and endless blissful orgasms high above the clouds!
A mile high club for one, if you will.

HOWEVER, what she forgot to factor in to this orgasmic British Airways flight of fantasy, is that in this age of terrorism, somebody travelling with a REMOTE CONTROL, might well be considered dangerous, might be suspected of, oh I don't know..........wanting to blow up the fucking plane!

She had some 'splaining to do, mofo's. Some serious 'splaining that involved her flashing her pretty vibrating knickers and giving a demonstration of how they worked!!!!! (she had to take them off first of course)

I shit you not.

Her feverish desire to masturbate mid-air almost created an "international incident"!

Needless to say she was escorted on to the plane minus her vibrating knickers and remote control and had to suffer endless "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" type malarky from the security guys and the flight stewards on her plane for the whole flight.

As a concerned friend and defender of justice, I wanted to alert the media to her mistreatment but she wouldn't have it. I maintain it's a woman's right to have an orgasm when ever and where ever she damn well pleases! Isn't it a breach of our human rights to be denied such civil liberties???

Who's with me? Lets start a petition and have a street march in protest!! We can make signs and chant slogans like:

Two-four-six-eight
We all want to masturbate!
Two-four-six-eight
won't leave my dildo at the gate!

Haaaaaaaaaaa! *cough* I'll be going now. Have a nice day!