Are the people of Australia aware of the latest nation wide trend for teenage bogans*? It's very fucking disturbing! Mofos have stopped wearing Adidas and Nike, and are now wearing the latest in sporting wear of the Nautica and Canterbury brand lines.

Now, for those that don't know, Nautica and Canterbury are a tad yuppie, preppy, upwardly mobile doofus wear, and this trend for bogans, who by the way are now calling themselves "ESH lads" and "lasses", is causing concern for private school teens everywhere. Bogans are trying to steal their identity!!!

Thankfully, they still manage to look dirty, trashy and gangsta even if they are wearing a $150 polo shirt and $90 trakkie daks*!

Example below!
Urban Dictionary describes Esh lads, thusly;

Anaemic pubescent Caucasians from respectable middle class homes who affect toughness by the wearing of pastels and white caps and congregate in public to intimidate rival crews by insulting their choice of nautica polo shirt and casting aspersions on one another's sexual integrity.

Esh lad 1: "Let's go cruising bruz"

Esh lad 2: "Nah, man, everyone's already seen me in this" (gesturing to delicately pressed polo shirt).

Esh lad 1: "That's cool. We can go home and vicariously vanquish entire hoods on GTA vice city."

The only thing I disagree with in that description is the theory that these twats are from middle class homes. I think they're trying to LOOK like they are, but once they open their mouths you know exactly what breed of Boganvillea tree they fell from.

The girls, or "lasses" as they're known. Dress exactly the same way, so much so that from a distance you can't tell they're chicks at all....actually up close you can't either because all they talk about is how many bitches they "rolled"*the other day and how many fights they got into after they drank a whole bottle of Bourbon.

I'm someone who has the abject misfortune of traveling on the Sydney rail system from time to time, and also speaking to shitloads of teens in "focus group" situations, and I'm constantly disturbed not only by their mutilation of fashion and the English language (of which I am fucking skilled at doing myself) but their whole outlook and attitude about EVERYTHING.

They are definitely the "don't give a fuck" generation. When I was a wee teenie beeyotch, I was quite happy to steal lipstick from local department stores, these fuckhats are more likely to break into a whole freakin warehouse than pinch a packet of Chewing gum from K mart!

Worse than THAT, they steal from each other! I watched in horror the other day at North Sydney train station during peak hour ( totally packed platform, suits and ties everywhere) where a group of these Esh freaks were congregating. One guy took another guys bum bag (fanny pack for you Yanks) and rifled through it taking out money, an Ipod and mobile phone. Now the dude who owned that bum bag was swearing, punching, carrying on because his shit was being stolen by his so called FRIEND, and the other Esh lads held him back and threw a few punches at him to stop him taking back his own belongings.

Now for the kicker. After struggling for a bit, he kind of resolved himself to having lost his stuff to someone in the "crew" who was obviously more senior than him and had the support of the other Esh lads. Whilst being obviously pissed off and silently fuming, he just accepted it and got on the train with them when it arrived.

What the fuck was THAT???

I watched in disgusted fascination along with a man beside me who wasn't surprised at all. When I quipped " Did we just watch someone get robbed?". He replied, "Yeah, don't sweat it though, it was probably stolen from someone else anyway".

What happened to the good old days when there was honour amongst bogans?? When they were content to steal from total strangers and share the spoils? When they were clearly identifiable by imitation Nike gear they wore and the cigarettes behind their ears!!!

Next thing you know gangsta wannabes will be walking around in Prada and Chanel and checking the time on their Rolex watches!!!

The whole world has gone fucking mad.

End rant.

*Bogan- US equivalent- Trailer trash. Uk equivalent- Chav
* Trackie Daks- Tracksuit pants.
*Rolled- Mugged, robbed.

P.S I know my fonts are all over the fucking shop, but I lost this post twice and i'm not messing with it anymore! Sorry if it hurts your eyes.