I was rushing to a lunch appointment yesterday and ran into a friend of mine. I haven't seen her for a while and really wanted to catch up but time wasn't on my side, so we had a quick chat and in the space of five minutes she managed to tell me she was having a cyber affair with some dude she met in a chat room and was seriously considering leaving her husband of two years for some internests random in the UK.

Cue the screeching brakes.
Excuse me,what?

First of all, I hadn't seen her since her WEDDING anniversary party in February, and secondly, why on earth would she unload something like that on me when we're not really that close anyway????

Well, cos I have a blog and say motherfucker quite a lot apparently, which means I know all about cyber "connections" and what not!!

Hoooooly Shite!
How does one reply to that?

If you're like me then you stare like a deer caught in the headlights and shuffle nervously trying to look as though this is a normal everyday event, and chuckle, chuckle, nawdy old you, imagine that, blah, blah. All the while my brain Gerbil is saying "Bitch, shut the fuck up about your tawdry, one hand typing shenanigans,and get the fark out of my way, I don't want to hear this or even know about this and late at night when I'm trying to sleep, visions of you doing untold things to yourself in front of your webcam for your cyber luvverrr, while your husband farts and scratches in front of the tv in the other room is going to haunt me, and I don't need that! Arrgghhh".

She was quite giddy and giggly about it all, and for the life of me I can't recall any of the sordid details. (Thank you semi-functional grey matter) but I'm quite sure she is going to meet with him this weekend.

What does one do with that type of knowledge? Half of me is thinking "lalalalala, i don't want to be involved in this, I can't hear you, lalalalala" The other half is saying, "You have to make sure she's safe because obviously she's very naive and what if she meets him and he hacks her to death with a rusty spoon and I'm the only one who knew she was meeting him so what do I do? Do I ask her for details of this guy and check him out do I call her at random times during the sheduled meeting to check she's alive and what of her husband do I owe him any loyalty in this and whyinfuckinghelldidsheunloadthisonmeeeeeeeeeeeeee?"

Does the very fact that she told me, make me now involved? I don't want to be involved but I can't undo what is done and what was said.

I hate people. I really, really do.

People tell me things all the time. I have no idea why, but even people I've only known a short while will unload their deep, dark, secrets on me. Honestly you would not believe the emails I get from people who read my blog and want advice. Advice? Are you fucking crazy??? I can barely keep myself upright and alive, why, WHY would anyone think I can offer any kind of advice about ANYTHING??

I have a headache now because I feel like an unwitting accomplice in some shoddy melodrama and I don't like it.
You know, there is a lot to be said for becoming a hermit or recluse. If you want me, I'll be the one drooling and rocking in the corner.
ciao!