Being a regular bus commuter now, (because clearly, the roads are not safe with me on them), I've noticed an interesting phenomenon.
Generally, it's the same people who get on at the same bus stops every morning, and nine times out of ten they sit in exactly the same seats every day.
So being the easily amused biatch that I am, I thought I'd mix it up a bit for them, you know, mess with their heads a little. I decided I would sit in the regular seats of the people who get on after me.

Day 1, I parked myself in the seat of Mr IpodSoFuckingLoudICan'tHearMyselfThink. This dolt gets on at the bus stop after mine and ALWAYS , without fail, sits in the seat directly behind the bus driver.
Didn't he look bemused to see me in 'his' seat! He paid the driver, turned automatically to his usual spot, saw me there smiling back at him and had to pause for a second. He blinked. Twice. Looked a bit confused, then discerning that I wasn't going to move he sat in the identical seat opposite the driver, giving me filthy looks the whole way.

Day2, I couldn't resist tormenting Mr Ipod again. I wanted him to think his seat was no longer safe. It had been invaded by a foreign arse and this hostile take over was not going to end peacefully.
That morning he surprised me by squeezing his own arse in beside me! Upping the ante so he was! He wasn't going to give up his favourite spot without a fight, but I hadn't given him much room and he only had half his arse cheek on the seat, so the first corner we went around, he had to get up or risk falling into the aisle.
Hooray! Steph 2- MrIpod-0.

Day 3 saw me target the MySpace girls. I've blogged about these vacuous morons before and I couldn't resist toying with them. It didn't quite go according to plan though. Their favourite spot was the left hand corner of the back seat, and seeing me there that morning, they threw withering looks my way that clearly said, "You are too old and you don't have a Myspace, so you shouldn't be up the back with the cool kids". They sat beside me and yabbered on and on about some Emo band's MySpazz page, and how they could wrangle their way onto the bands "friends list". My ears were fucking bleeding!
I had to get up and move before I committed an act of grievous bodily harm upon their persons.
Steph 0- MySpazz girls 1.

Day 4, I decided to harass Mr Sweaty man. This dude has a constant river of sweat running down his face every day. I don't know if he has some vigorous sex at the bus stop every morning or some hideous glandular problem, but I wasn't going to run the risk of him squeezing in beside me and showering me with old man sweat. I strategically sat in the middle of his seat (midway down the bus on the left for those playing at home) and placed my handbag beside me. Mr Sweaty toddled down the aisle and actually stopped in front of me. The bus was getting full by now and he had no choice but to go up the back with the MySpazz girls. Huzzah! I win again!
I told you I was easily amused. Shut up.

The final day of my experiment I decided to target MrIpod one last time. Nobody else had reacted quite like him and I so do love to push a persons buttons.
So I got on the bus only to discover I only had a ten dollar note. Thankfully I had a nice bus driver who let me on and said he'd give me the change before I got off. Sweet.
I take Mr Ipod's seat and was rewarded with not only a snarl, but some angry mumbling under his breath. I do believe I heard the words "bitch" and "seat stealer" in amongst it all. Damn that guy was attached to that seat!
I chuckled to myself as he sat opposite me and continued to glare and mumble. Moron.

Two stops before I'm due to alight, the bus driver calls me over to give me my change, so I get up and go to retrieve my money, being careful to put my handbag on the seat as a kind of "reserved" sign or something.
But rodger me with a baseball bat if Mr Ipod didn't jump out of his seat, DUMP MY BAG IN THE AISLE and plonk his fat arse in my spot!!!
The fucker!!

The bus was by now full, so I had no alternative but to stand for the rest of the ride to work. Do you think anyone offered the poor crippled girl their seat? Hell no! In fact, there were more than a few smirks being sent my way!

Karma got me again. *cries*

I think I'll drive to work tomorrow. Bus commuters of Sydney are just too damn psycho!!