Sometimes I wish females could be more like males, especially when it comes to saying what we REALLY mean. Girls tend to skirt around issues, and hold back with each other, where as guys will give it to each other straight. T'is a shame they can't employ the same method when dealing with women, but that's a whole other blog post.

To illustrate what I mean, I've enlisted the help of my good friend Ben. You might remember him from such posts as "Not all men are bastards".

Last Saturday, I arranged for a group of us to go to the Art House hotel in Pitt St. My friend, K, is a notorious ditch bitch. She always says she will go and do whatever, but never fails to cancel at the last minute with some lame excuse. She called me at 9pm, everyone was supposed to meet at my place at 8.30pm. She said she had a sore throat and didn't want to go. Now, I don't understand how her throat suddenly started to hurt at 8.30. She should have called me earlier and I was pissed.
But what did I say? "Oh, ok, get better" and hung up. Then I started to whinge to everyone ELSE about her ditching us again.

According to Ben, if this were a situation with two guys, it would have gone like this.
Guy 1- I have a sore throat, I'm not coming.
Guy 2- Fuck you, pussy, you should have called me earlier.
Guy 1- Sorry mate.
Guy 2- I'm not calling you again, bitch!
Guy 1- Fuck off.
Guy 2- YOU fuck off. I'll see you at the game tomorrow.
Sorted.

Another example. Thursday night the Supertards and some other Tardis Moronics peeps of ours went out to dinner. We agreed to split the bill equally amongst the 12 of us.
Anna, who was seated to my right, hadn't been hungry and had only had a $16 salad with water. She didn't say anything, but I saw her eyes bulge at having to pay her $56 share.
I said to her, " Just chuck in $20".
She said, " No, that's ok, I don't mind". And handed over her money.

Fast forward to the next day and I hear that she whinged and bitched to anyone and everyone about it, and wasn't going to come out with us again.
WTF?
Now picture this scenario with guys. Ben says it would go down like this.

Guy 1- Everyone has to chuck in $56 each ok?
Guy 2- No way! I only had a salad.
Guy 1- Pay up tightarse.
Guy 2- Suck mine, mofo. I'll give you twenty bucks.
Guy 1- Did you all hear that? This princess only had a salad, so he's only paying $20.
Everyone teases him, throws left over food at him and move on.
Easy peasy.

The very same night after dinner and drinks, a friend of a friend, let's call her Amber, because guess what? That's her fucking name, had to wait outside for her boyfriend to pick her up. We were in Kings Cross and it was late. So being the nice bitch I am, I offered to wait with her.
She was all, "Oh no, you go home, you have to work tomorrow, I'm on holidays. Brent won't be long".
I said it wasn't a problem, and she INSISTED that I go home. She practically pushed me towards my car.
Now, what do you think happened?
That's right clever clogs. She whinged to her boyfriend about being left alone in the Cross for half an hour! Her boy then whinged to another guy who was there that night, who then CALLED me up and berated me for leaving her stranded!! Apparently I didn't even "offer her a ride home". Well why would I? Her boyfriend was already on the way to pick her up. GAHHH!

Now, Imagine this scene with two guys instead of girls.
I asked Ben and he couldn't stop laughing.
"What's so funny cuntface?" Says I.
"This would never happen if guys were involved, Scrotum breath" He retorts.
"Why not?"
"Because no dude would be standing alone in the Cross waiting for his girl. He'd be in the nearest strip joint, getting a lap dance, that's why".

Hrmmm. Fuck, I wish I was a guy sometimes. It's all so simple.